unfortunate tattoos.

i saw this story about hayden panettiere's misspelled tattoo. and it made me think of the tragedy of bad body art.

this has become an especially touchy subject in my dating life. i seem to have a talent for picking guys who pick the dumbest tattoos ever. unfortunately i have no pictures, but it's probably better that way.

exhibit A - i slept with a guy who i've known for almost my whole life. except it wasn't until he was naked that i realized he had a tramp stamp. i kid you not. a male tramp stamp. does it matter what the tattoo was of? no. it was a male tramp stamp.

exhibit B - a guy i dated earlier this year who had two fish on his arm. now, fish can be cool, but they usually aren't. i learned this when another guy, pablo, showed us his. "it's a guppy," was my best friend's reaction. that about sums it up.

well, this guy's fish weren't guppies. they were opposite each other in a way that he explained "was supposed to symbolize the yin-yang." it went even a layer further because this guy also happened to be a pisces. first off, white people should never get anything chinese on them. i don't care if that sounds racist. they shouldn't. i have this fantasy in my head where all the chinese character tattoos actually say something drastically different than what we think they do. "peace" really means "tampon" and "serenity" really means "kick me." it's my wish for the world.

but secondly, i'm a little skeeved by the whole astrological sign thing. i mean, i think there's some credence to it. i certainly exhibit every characteristic a leo is supposed to. but, i happened to meet this guy on eharmony. and for those of you familiar with the system, i swear one of his "can't stands" was superstitious. what a douchebag.

exhibit C - same guy! i know, tragic. he explained this one to me too. his grandparents ran an apple farm. and so on his shoulder, he had a tattoo of an apple in a crate with their farm name on it. now, i'm not cold-hearted, i think that's sweet. but here's the rub:

the crate only had one apple in it. which means it was either a monster apple or midget crate.

has anyone else had bad luck with dating bad tattoos? if so, i'd love to hear them.

utah kiss-ins

we're all god's children. until we're not.

A police report said they sat down for a kiss and were approached by a pair of church security guards, who asked them to leave because their behavior was "unwanted."

garage rape

this actually happened.

jesus dress-up

paper dolls and jesus: two things that are sort of intrinsically funny. put them together, and... well... this happens.

texts from last night

a few days late on this train, so sue me. but TFLN is a very funny website. it sort of captures the poetry of overheard in new york, but with a decidedly drunken, sexual, and perversely awkward bent. 

5/15 follow-up...

some of my favorite texts so far:

(203): I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
(860): oh sweet, sweet irony

(313): I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
(734): What'd you do?
(313): Its more like what im about to do.

(330): what are you wearing?
(703): Just my guilt

(518): I hraet yuo
(862): did you say you heart me or hate me?
(518): who is this?

(703): I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically