unfortunate tattoos.

i saw this story about hayden panettiere's misspelled tattoo. and it made me think of the tragedy of bad body art.

this has become an especially touchy subject in my dating life. i seem to have a talent for picking guys who pick the dumbest tattoos ever. unfortunately i have no pictures, but it's probably better that way.

exhibit A - i slept with a guy who i've known for almost my whole life. except it wasn't until he was naked that i realized he had a tramp stamp. i kid you not. a male tramp stamp. does it matter what the tattoo was of? no. it was a male tramp stamp.

exhibit B - a guy i dated earlier this year who had two fish on his arm. now, fish can be cool, but they usually aren't. i learned this when another guy, pablo, showed us his. "it's a guppy," was my best friend's reaction. that about sums it up.

well, this guy's fish weren't guppies. they were opposite each other in a way that he explained "was supposed to symbolize the yin-yang." it went even a layer further because this guy also happened to be a pisces. first off, white people should never get anything chinese on them. i don't care if that sounds racist. they shouldn't. i have this fantasy in my head where all the chinese character tattoos actually say something drastically different than what we think they do. "peace" really means "tampon" and "serenity" really means "kick me." it's my wish for the world.

but secondly, i'm a little skeeved by the whole astrological sign thing. i mean, i think there's some credence to it. i certainly exhibit every characteristic a leo is supposed to. but, i happened to meet this guy on eharmony. and for those of you familiar with the system, i swear one of his "can't stands" was superstitious. what a douchebag.

exhibit C - same guy! i know, tragic. he explained this one to me too. his grandparents ran an apple farm. and so on his shoulder, he had a tattoo of an apple in a crate with their farm name on it. now, i'm not cold-hearted, i think that's sweet. but here's the rub:

the crate only had one apple in it. which means it was either a monster apple or midget crate.

has anyone else had bad luck with dating bad tattoos? if so, i'd love to hear them.

shiantology

holy. crap.

and i really mean that.

the website shiantology.com has created religious imagery around the one and only leboeuf. two things i hate put together somehow make something i love. now they're inviting you to submit your own. have fun.

my one-woman campaign to save sbarro.

buzzfeed also lists 14 things that the recession will help us lose. but it made me think of the one thing i truly hope weathers the economic storm, and that is sbarro. last june, slumping mall sales attributed to the pizza chain's $5.7 million loss.

now, look: i'm not going to defend sbarro's shitty pizza, though i did live on the stuff all through college. but i do NOT want to live in a world where i can't have their garlic knots, baked ziti and spaghetti any time i get suckered into a mall! i don't know what they put in those spaghetti noodles, but it is my weakness. my kryptonite. my salvation.

please, everyone. join my campaign. i promise you a world without sbarro is a sad, tragic world indeed.

in the year 2000... in the year TWO THOUSAND!

buzzfeed feeds us a 1985 issue of ebony, where they predict what stars will look like in 2000.

in ebony's defense, it's not like anyone could have predicted what would actually happen. that might be more frightening than what actually happened.

[ much respect, michael, but cmon ]